“Just Show Up: A Love Letter to Every Woman Starting Over in a Foreign Country”

Jacynda recently got certified as a Pilates instructor. You can get to know more about her classes in the Instragram account @pilatesbyjacynda

Moving abroad can feel like losing your identity — especially when you come as an accompanying partner. This is the story of Jacynda Darmawan, a woman who rebuilt her purpose, career, and self-worth in Gothenburg, Sweden — and what it truly means to find yourself again in a foreign land.

When she arrived in Gothenburg in 2022, the world felt both wide open and impossibly small.

Her husband had received a postdoctoral position at Chalmers — an incredible opportunity. And she was proud of him. Truly. But beneath the excitement, there was also a quiet ache — the uncertainty that comes when you are the one who has followed, when your own next chapter is still blank.

They had moved from New Zealand, a place that had become home after years of studying and working there. She had been living abroad since she was 18, so she thought she knew what to expect — the logistics, the loneliness, the cultural readjustment.

But this move was different.

This time, she wasn’t coming for a job, or for a degree. She was coming for someone else’s dream.

And that changes everything.

Finding Belonging

When she arrived, she didn’t belong anywhere — no classmates, no colleagues, no ready-made network. It was just her, a new city, and a Swedish winter that felt longer and colder than any she’d known.

Her first destination was the International House of Gothenburg, a place that promised answers and connection. She went to an event, heart racing a little, and filled out the registration form.

One question stood out:

“What brought you to Gothenburg?”

And among the options, one box read: Accompanying Partner.

That small phrase meant the world.

She smiled, thinking, I belong to a group. For the first time since landing, she felt seen. Understood. Not alone.

That day, she met other women who were also navigating this strange in-between life — no longer from “back home,” not yet fully rooted here. Those first friendships became her anchor. They still meet to this day, sharing laughter, homesickness, and the quiet triumphs of carving out new lives in Sweden.

Jacynda and her group of international friends, where she finds belonging and sense of community

Starting From Scratch

Professionally, she came from the fast-paced world of Educational Technology, working as a Partnership Manager for a New Zealand startup recognized as one of TIME’s 100 Most Influential Companies.

So naturally, she began searching for something similar in Sweden.

But soon, reality set in.

Most companies required Swedish — not just conversational, but fluent, especially in industries tied to education. And though she was enrolled in SFI, mastery would take time.

So she broadened her search — looking for anything that could use her skills: strategic partnerships, technical support, project management.

In between job applications, she went to every networking event she could find in Gothenburg.

At first, she tried to follow all the “rules”:

Be confident, but not too confident.
Be friendly, but not pushy.
Show your achievements, but don’t brag.
Relax! But make a strong impression.

It was exhausting. The constant balancing act of being open yet strategic, confident yet humble — all in a new cultural context.

Until one day, when she almost skipped a career fair because she was simply too drained. Her husband gently told her,

“Just show up. Go, look around. If you still don’t feel like staying, you can leave.”

Those three words — just show up — stayed with her.
They became her quiet mantra for every uncertain step that followed.

The Stepping Stone

In spring 2023, she finally got an opportunity — an unpaid internship at Polestar, through Jobbsprånget.

It wasn’t a perfect fit, but it was something. A chance to work again, to contribute, to feel part of something bigger than herself.

She worked in operations, bridging developers and customers — using her skills, patience, and empathy.

Some might have seen it as a step back. But for her, it was a step forward.

Months later, during a job interview, the hiring manager pointed to her Polestar internship and said:

“It’s great that you already have Swedish experience.”

That sentence made everything — every application, every rejection, every lonely morning — worth it.

Today, she’s a Service Manager at Boeing Jeppesen, in the aviation technology industry. It’s a completely new field, with a steep learning curve — but one where she’s grown, thrived, and rediscovered her professional confidence.

Reclaiming Her Identity

Now, more than two years later, she has built her own rhythm here. A circle of friends. A stable career. Hobbies that fill her days with joy.

She no longer feels like she’s accompanying someone else’s dream — she’s living her own.

And yet, her story doesn’t end there.

Because beneath the stability, there’s always been a spark — a quiet dream of being an entrepreneur some day. Creating something from scratch, building something that’s hers.

So this year, she took a leap of faith and became a certified Pilates instructor.

She’s been practicing since 2017, and teaching now a few hours a week alongside her full-time job. It’s tiring sometimes, but deeply fulfilling — a reminder that growth doesn’t always mean leaving something behind. Sometimes, it’s adding something new.

“I’ll keep my full-time job,” she says, “because it gives me stability. But I’ll also keep growing this Pilates practice — and see where it takes me.”

As part of her hobbies, Jacynda is part of a choir in Gothenburg

Jacynda is part of a book club that connects her with people who have the same passion for reading

What Her Story Teaches Us

Her story is not just hers.
It’s ours.

It’s the story of every woman who followed love or opportunity across borders, who had to start over, who questioned her worth, and then slowly built herself again — piece by piece.

It’s about showing up, even when you’re unsure.
It’s about finding belonging in unexpected places.
It’s about rediscovering your voice — and realizing that even when you come as someone’s “plus one,” your story still matters deeply.

Because maybe that’s what living abroad truly is: not losing yourself, but meeting yourself again, in a new language, in a new city, and in a new way.

✨ To every woman who reads this:
You belong here. You’re not behind. You are rewriting your story, one brave step at a time. Just show up.

✨ And to Jacynda:

Thank you Jacynda , for inspiring us with your journey, thanks for sharing with all of us! I´m sure this will be a source of inspiration and motivation for each woman who is part of Extraña!